Let Go
by Vampire-princess14899
Summary: Joshua finally thinks he has it right this time, and with the right girl, but she first has to accept him and see past the vampire to see his humanity. To stay together, they have to fully let each other in or their secrets will burn both of them to the ground. But it's more than just Joshua's past when an old family enemy seeks revenge. How can you kill what's already dead?
1. Chapter 1

1.

It was just another party. Like any other party I had been to before. There was drinking, smoking, vandalism, sexual relations, you name it. It was everywhere I looked. And two years ago, I would've been one of these high school fools burning out their braincells with that conceited grin on my face too. But I'm not anymore. I don't want anything to do with it. It doesn't make me feel anything. Not since-

I shook the image from my mind. It wasn't worth the pain right now. I was over it. She was gone, and that's all that was left to my story with her. I looked down at the fading floorboard, how the wood was chipping in places or rotting from age of excessive parties I wasn't sure. I could see how every grain of wood fit together so perfectly, so effortlessly that it was unfair. Life was never that simple when it came to any of this. How do you find that right person? Your other half? Everyone in my family has theirs. They have their own life to look after and experience everything with. Claire has Jason, Jonathan has Amber, and even Josie has Collin. I had someone, but she didn't want anything to do with…with me.

The heat was rushing to my face rapidly, and I blinked my eyes to hold the tears back. I swallowed the knot in my throat and proceeded to walk. I needed to get my mind off of her. She made her choice, and now I would have to make mine. I couldn't spend the rest of my life in misery of her. I already wasted two years while she was off in college and meeting the man that fits her dream that I couldn't. I pushed past all the swarming bodies moving in rhythm to the music. I brushed against too much bare skin for my taste, but girls felt the need to show off every crevice of their body for men to love them. As I wove through them, I glanced at some of their eyes, and for a moment I didn't feel so alone in this room. They all had the same lost glaze in their eyes, a same yearning for something greater to happen here tonight, something greater than getting laid and drunk. That's where the similarities ended for us. While they were willing to stay and be a part of any of this, I knew that I had to get out of here, that nothing was going to help me. I would find no sanctuary in alcohol or sex. Amber told me that once.

Leaving the party was a lot harder than expected. So many people crowding the entrance like they weren't ready to let me leave yet, that I wasn't allowed to go. With grace I was able to make my way through another ten people before I finally felt the knob on the door. It was a little bit more wet than I remembered, but I pushed that out of my mind because I didn't want to think of all the possibilities it would be soaked in. The cold air hit my skin with a sharp sting, a reprimanding slap that I shouldn't have gone in their to begin with. And I knew that it was right.

People lingered on the lawn of the abadonned house as if they were unsure to leave. Some were still drinking while a certain couple had the urge to openly express their love for each other by the tree without wearing clothes. Another group of four guys and one girl were mingling over by the porch, but maybe mingling was too light of a word. By the looks of it, I was positive that a fight would break out sooner or later, but seeing as passing them meant a quicker escape to my car, I was hoping later. But, as usual, I was wrong, and that moment would change my life forever.

One of the boys, the tallest of them with brown, shaggy hair shoved the brunette into the side of the porch. She cried out in pain as he pinned her to the wood and pressed his face into her neck. She tried pushing him away, but he just held her down. The other guys were cheering him on. As his fingers fumbled with trying to rip her shirt off, my mind numbly registered what was happening, and before I knew it, my feet were moving towards them. Blind fury directed my fist, and soon enough the poor boy was on the ground, rolling in pain.

"What the hell, man?" He spat out blood, but surprisingly no teeth came with the fluid. His feet were shaky, but he manager to stand. He impatiently glared at his friends and waved his hands. "Well? Are you idiots just going to stand there?"

Now for any human boy in this situation, it would seem to be a bad time. Four against one. To any other guy, this would seem like such a sad moment where he would know that death was probably the only option he had. A human boy would probably get his ass kicked. Good thing I was no human boy. I was barely human at all.

I cracked my knuckles and rolled my shoulders, getting in my stance for a fight. I flashed them a grin that would give them nightmares for weeks. My chest rumbled, giving the low, audible sound of a menacing growl. Their faces twisted in confusion and fear, but they all seemed to realize at once that this was not a person they wanted to pick a fight with. As they ran away with the tails between their legs, I noticed a strange tattoo on the back of the taller boy's neck: three small circles looped together on the inside of a large triangle. I rolled my eyes at the picture. Probably some white boy pretending to be in a bit shot cult.

The grass moved behind me, and I turned to see the girl had sunk to the ground, her legs finally collapsing on her. He breaths were short and ragged, but for the most part she seemed fine. At least physically. The mental distress of almost being raped would be hard for her to forget, but just by looking at her I could tell she was strong. She hid her face in her hands while she tried to catch her breath, and her body trembled from the tears that I was sure were falling down her cheeks. I pressed my hand gently against her shoulder, and she jumped in fright. Her wide eyes looking at me in a frenzy, and in that moment, everything melted away. Never in my life had I seen such beautiful, round, gray eyes that were dipped in the richest of silver on this planet. Despite her fright, they were so warm, so welcoming that I had a hard time looking away. And for the first time in a long time, I _felt_ something.

She was more beautiful than I expected. Actually, there was nothing really flashy about her. She was exiqsite in her normalcy. Her face was sharp and angular, but she had a porcelain complection Her hair was dark brown and long, her eyes covered by thick, black eyelashes. She had a tiny mole on the left side of her nose. Her jaw was set and strong, almost as if in her fear, she had a reflex to fight back. Her neck was tight and her shoulders flexed. This was no girl who was going to roll over in the dirt and give up. There was something so graceful, so beautiful about how she looked. Never in my life had I seen someone who looked like this, and suddenly, I wanted everything to do with her.

I pulled my hand from her. "Sorry." I apologized. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"I wasn't scared." She snapped defensively, "Just surprised."

I chuckled softly. "Of course. No fear around these parts."

She breathed out of her nose loudly in some sort of a laugh, but I liked it. It was genuine. Her shoulder relaxed slightly, and she looked around the yard. No one was around anymore. She rubbed her hands on her jeans and made a move to stand up. Faster than I should have in front of a human, I stood up and held out my hand for her to take. She gasped slightly and blinked a few times before she gave me her hand. It was warm. I pulled her to her feet and she brushed the rest of the dirt from her pants. Now seeing her standing up, she was more muscular than I originally thought. Her body was built for speed and agility. Her arms were toned and defined, and through her jeans I could see just how defined her thigh were. Just by looking at her and how she was standing, I could tell that she could defend herself. She didn't need anyone doing it for her.

"Thanks," she finally said after a moment of awkward silence. "That couldn't of ended well." She gave me a small grin.

There was tension between us, but I couldn't figure out why. Neither of us could barely get out one sentence to each other.

"No problem. Guys are jerks." My voice was shaky, nervous.

She nodded in aggreance. "Ain't that the truth." She paused slightly. "Some of them at least. Not many jerk men would come help a girl out of that kind of situation with three other guys as back up." She raised an eyebrow.

I shrugged. "Guess I'm not like most jerk men."

She held out her hand again. "Katherine, but most people just call me Kat."

I shook her hand. "Joshua. Not Josh."

She smiled. "Well, Joshua, thanks for your help, but I better be getting home. My mom might get worried." She faultered at the end of her sentence just barely it wouldn't be noticeable to the human ear, but to me she might as well have yelled it.

I jumped at my chance. "Would you like a ride home?"

She vacillicated, looking at me warily. She rocked back on her heels. She started to protest, but I stopped her.

"Look, I'm not some psycho. If I was, I would have just left you to whatever his name was. Plus, you're drunk, and I don't want to be responsible for you walking out into the middle of the street and getting hit by a truck.

"Fair enough." Kat finally answered, pushing her long, brown hair over her shoulder.

We walked in painful silence to my car just across the street. She let out a low whistle when she saw it.

"_This_ is your car?" her eyes opened wide in disbelief.

I cracked a smile. "Yeah. A gift from my dad on my eighteenth birthday last year." I stared proudly at the Audi R8 Jonathan bought for me last year. I could have bought one on my own, but he wanted to have the pride of buying his son a car. Must be a dad thing.

"Some birthday present." She mumbled until something else grabbed her attention. "Wait. Last year? You're only nineteen?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You just…" she shook her head slightly. "You just looked so much older."

"I get that a lot. Now are we going to discuss my car and age all night, or am I going to take you home sometime soon?" she stuck out her tongue at my pushy tone, but she slid into my car with ease, reveling in the feel of the leather seats.

I slid in after her, shutting the door quietly. I started the car, and I saw her visibly relax as the engine roared to life. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes for a moment, and I let her relax. From the look of discomfort on her face, I could tell that this night had been hard for her. We sat like that for a few minutes until she finally caught me staring at her.

"What?"

I shook my head. "Nothing, just waiting for you to go into shock."

"Shock?"

"Yeah. That would techinically count as a traumatic experience. I'm waiting for you to go itno shock or break down or something. You're just being so calm about all of this."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "I'm not some spineless little girl. I can take care of myself. He caught me off guard, that was all. I'm stronger than I seem." She clenched her jaw, and her gray eyes flashed with sharp steel. She was offended that I would think her weak to go into shock. But I saw something else in her defense of my words. I saw a wall cast high over her. She was guarded which would explain how defensive she got over everything. And I didn't know why, but for some reason I wanted to be the one who got over that wall, who took it down and saw the inside of her soul. I wanted to get to know her so bad, to know why she would put up a wall in the first place.

"I don't think you're spineless" was all I said before putting the car in gear and hitting the gas. The car lurched forward and quickly accelerated.

She grabbed the handle at the top of car. She clenched her teeth. "Do you always drive this fast?" Kat asked warily as she watched me pass cars quicker than human reflexes could react.

"Basically."

"And if you crash?"

"I won't." I switched the subject to distract her. "Where do you live?"

She was silent for a moment. "Just past east main street by the old hospital." Again, her voice wavered just ever so slightly.

But I nodded and pretended to listen. I turned left.

"I said-" Kat began.

"I know what you said, but you don't live over there."

Her eyes narrowed again. "And what makes you say that, Mr. know-it-all?"

"Because I know when I'm being lied to." I glared right back at her. He gaze didn't waver. I pulled over on the side of the road and put the car in park. "Look, I'll take you wherever you want me to take you. If you want to lie about having a home, fine. I'll drop you off in some filthy neighborhood where other men are just waiting to take advantage of young girls like you if that's what you want. I'll leave you there without a second thought and be on my way. Or you can get off your high horse and quit pretending that you're better than everybody else and tell me the truth, and I can see what I can do to help you. How about that?" Something about this girl brought out the fire in me, and part of me resented it, but the other part of me was curious to find out why Kat was like this.

Kat's face finally softened as she looked down at her hands which she placed firmly in her lap.

"I can't help you if you don't let me."

Her wall came right back up. "I don't need anyone's help."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine! Which drug lord's house should I drop you off at? Name any one because that's where you'll end up at unless you stop being so damn stubborn and let me help you."

"Why do you want to help me?"

I sighed, giving up. "I don't know. Never mind. Just get out. If this is how you're going to be, I don't want to play this game."

And for the first time all night, she had no witty comeback and snide remark. She just sat there. "I don't have anywhere to go. I haven't had a home in a long time."

My eyes looked over at her, seeing how her body slumped in the chair. She looked hurt, defeated, her ego bruised.

Without another word, I put the car in drive and left the curb in the dust.

**Hey guys! It's definitely been a while since I've written on here, and I've missed it so much. I've been tossing this story around my brain for a while now and just decided to start writing it out of the blue, so if this chapter is a little snippy, I apologize, but it's supposed to be like that for a reason. This is another book off the Burning Desire series with a point of view from Joshua, Amber's son. Feel free to leave any reviews. I promise the best is yet to come. -Kaitlyn**


	2. Chapter 2

2.

The car ride home was unbearably silent. Every now and then I would try to start a conversation on literally anything-I asked her if she preferred peanut butter over jelly-and she would just sit there without a word. Was she being stubborn? Was she thinking about something? Or was she just trying to annoy me? If it's the latter, it sure as hell is working. So to fill the space, I flipped the switch to the radio and turned the volume up. I never played the radio with other people in the car, mostly because they joke around about the type of music I like, but for some reason I didn't care with her. For some reason I wanted Kat to know everything about me even if it meant I couldn't directly tell her.

I glanced over and saw that she had shut her eyes. "Soothing," Kat finally spoke after the first track had played. "I wouldn't have pegged you for a piano guy."

"I like to drive my problems away, and this music helps me think. I don't normally play it for other people."

She was curious about that. "But you play it for me?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, I guess so. Besides, you look like you could use music to think."

Kat chuckled and sat up, eyes wide on the road. "You don't know the half of it." She finally was able to notice the surroundings outside as we passed them. "Wait, where are we?"

"Boca Raton, Florida."

"_Florida? You took me to Florida?" _Kat's voice was barely above a whisper, but I could she was angry.

"I live in Florida, Kat."

"But we were just in Indiana! How long was I asleep?"

Sleeping. She was sleeping. She was never ignoring me. Just sleeping. I'm an idiot. "I drive fast, and we've only been in the car for six hours."

"And you've been awake this entire time? We left at three in the morning." Now she sounded slightly impressed.

"I've never needed much sleep." And I cracked a smile at my own personal joke.

"I don't get it."

I flashed her a smile. "You're not meant to."

In that moment, I saw how much I affected her. I saw the way she trembled and recoiled from me. Her face grew beat red, and I could hear her heart pounding away like a little hummingbird's wings. She found me attractive. Of course, that wasn't in the least surprising. We were always attractive to humans, but my mom always told me I looked like a Greek God. Which I guess wasn't a stretch. I inherited my mom's light brown hair that looked like melted chocolate, her ability to be as stubborn as a mule, and her witty remarks. I have my father's sea-blue eyes, same as my great-grandmother, Claire, but she would kill me if I ever called her that. It made her feel old, as old as a 4,000 year old vampire could feel I guess. I had Jason's muscular build, and was built for power. They expected great things out of me, but I never wanted to do great things. I just wanted to be me. They never understood that.

I drove past the outer skirts of the city and made way towards the center. Kat pressed her face against the window and soaked in the city in awe.

"I've never been anywhere but Indiana." She explained when she caught my confused yet amused expression.

"I'll make sure to give you a tour."

"Really?" her eyes lit up in excitement.

I nodded and turned back to face the road. The house I pulled into could barely be called a house. A better description would be a mini mansion. It was a grand fortress, one Jason, Jonathan and I built with our own hands. We built it as a place to come to when we wanted to get away, but it seemed like no one ever wanted to leave the safety of Ohio, so I've been using this place as my home for the past ten years because I wanted to get away from it all. The outside walls were colored in the purest ivory, something Jonathan wanted to prevent it from looking stained. If it was already off-white, no one would notice a spot or two. Wood scaled the house like vines, making it look like a tree grew on the house. Windows were everywhere, giving it a very open and welcome space. The last thing I wanted to feel in this house was trapped. Gardens and trees lined the drive way almost as if they were greeting us as we pulled into, the pebbles crunching under the tires. I eased into the garage filled with various tools and additions to the house that I never got around to doing. I couldn't bring myself to do it without my dad and grandfather here. It almost felt wrong somehow.

"Wow." Kat breathed. "_This_ is your house?" her face was beyond impressed.

"Yeah. My dad and grandfather built it years ago, and I occupy it for the time being. It was supposed to be a vacation home for all of us, but they never come down."

"Did something happen?" I turned to face her, and the way her eyes looked at me made me feel warm inside. They were so full of genuine concern for me even though she barely knew me. Her heart was big, just guarded.

"We just had different views." My tone made it clear I wanted to drop the conversation, and to my relief, she didn't pry any further. I clapped my hands and forced a smile. "So, how about a tour of the place?"

Kat nodded and stepped out of the car. I led her in through the garage door, and the first room we came to was the kitchen. The cabinets along the walls were carved by hand from a tall oak, the counters made of gray marble and granite, the stove top and refrigerator were stainless steel, my favorite part of the kitchen if you ask me. It was a simple kitchen in comparison to other things. There was nothing flashy or expensive, no robot-maids or anything, but that's the way I liked it. I never enjoyed living such a lavish life while everyone else suffered outside. Kat ended up wanting to see the entire house. There were six bedrooms in all, and four complete baths. The downstairs was a man cave with the latest video games and the finest beer I could find at Speedway-Bud light, if you were wondering. The last thing I showed her was my piano room. It was a small studio space with carpet, speakers, and a microphone or two, but I needed nothing more than a grand piano sitting in the center of the room, just waiting for me.

"You play?" she asked me. The entire tour, Kat hadn't said much, just an _ohh _or an _ahh_ here and there, but this room caught her attention more than any other.

I nodded. "One of my dad's friends taught me everything he knew about it, and I've loved it ever since. I've spent hours upon hours in this room without even noticing. It's like my escape. It just makes me feel…happy." I rubbed the back of my head and coughed out a nervous laugh. "Not very manly, huh?"

"Not many men can admit that they play, so you probably have more balls than any of them." Kat winked and laughed.

"I like hearing you laugh," I said before I could stop myself.

She immediately stopped and blushed so red I thought her face was dipped in tomato juice. She rubbed her palms together and refused to look me in the eyes. "Thanks." She whispered.

"How about I show you where your room is?"

"My room?"

"Unless you want to sleep on the couch."

She paused. "How long will we be staying here?"

"I'm not sure. As long as you want." I continued walking. "Unless you have some place better to be" I threw over my shoulder as I left the room.

She followed me down the hall and up the stairs. We turned right, and I took her to the room she had liked the best. It was my sister's room whenever she came down to stay with me, but she hadn't been here in years, not since she married Collin. Kat seemed pleased by the room, and went to inspect it further. When she opened the closet door, she appeared embarrassed.

"Oh." She closed it immediately. "I'm sorry." She turned to me. "Does someone else live here with you? Or used to?" by the sound of her words, I could tell if she was asking about a girlfriend, and in that moment, I almost told her everything, but I couldn't. Pain swept over my body as I thought about her again, as I thought about how she left me because I wasn't enough for her. I pictured her round fair, her perfect red hair, those green eyes…

Kat snapped me back to reality. "Joshua?"

"Sorry." I shook my head of her image. The last thing I needed to think about was her. "My sister, Josie, used to live with me for a little while, but she left when she got married. She left some of her stuff behind in case she wanted to visit, but she hasn't been back since. You're more than welcome to wear anything that fits. Josie never had a problem with sharing."

She reopened the door and pressed her fingers against some shirts. "You're sure she wouldn't mind?"

I shook my head. "Not in the least." I left the room and snatched some towels from the closet in the hall. I handed them to her. "Here, you can take a shower and change your clothes. I'm sure you don't want to be wearing that beer-stained t-shirt anymore." I felt my eyes crinkle with my smile.

A tiny laugh. "No, I definitely do not." She took the towels gratefully and left for the bathroom.

"I'll put your clothes in the washer for you." I called to her before the bathroom door shut. A few moments later, a pile of dirty clothes was pushed quickly from the bathroom, and the door shut just as quickly. I picked up the pile while trying not to stare at the lacy, black bra and went down stairs to put them in the washer.

While she was showering, I could faintly hear her singing in the shower, and for some reason that was the cutest thing to me. A tough girl who sang and thought playing the piano was impressive for a guy. She was definitely different. I'd never met another girl like Kat, and that was beyond refreshing.

I didn't know what was happening to me. All of a sudden, I was nervous _all the time_. Even when Kat wasn't with me, I was worried about what she was thinking. Was she wondering about me? Was it good or bad? Did I leave that bathroom clean? I wanted to impress her so bad, and I had no clue why. She could be rude, stubborn, harsh, and secretive, and I knew that all from only spending 7 hours with her, and over 90% of that time she was silent! I was the loner guy. I was that guy in high school every girl wanted to be with, but I wanted nothing to do with them. I never wanted a relationship, a girlfriend, to fall in love. I never wanted any of it. That was until I met…Jenny. The name was harsh even in my mind. It scraped the inside of my mouth and my mind as I thought about her. She was everything I ever wanted in a girl: smart, sensible, sweet, open-minded, witty, generous, and genuine in everything she ever did. There wasn't a mean bone in her body. She was that girl that no one had anything bad to say about her. And I loved everything about her. But she obviously didn't like one thing about me, one very important matter when it came to my family-

"Joshua?"

I jumped at the sound. I pressed my hand to my chest. "Kat." I breathed. "I didn't expect you to be out so quickly." I did a double take when I actually _saw_ her. She was just standing there, legs crossed nervously, her hair a wet, curly mess, and her face clear of any make up. Kat wore one of my sister's favorite sundresses, a simple black dress with a white ribbon wrapped around the waist attached at the front with a yellow flower. Kat, no makeup, messy hair, and all looked absolutely breath taking. And I noticed for the first time that when she truly smiled, she had this tiny dimple on the left side of her cheek.

"Sorry." She apologized quickly, not noticing that I was basically checking her out. "I was wondering though if I could get something to eat?" her sheepish grin amused me.

Of course! She had to be hungry! How could I be so rude? "Of course! I normally don't eat that much, so I guess I forget that other people have appetites too." I rushed over to the kitchen and began sifting through cooking pans until I decided what to make her.

"I eat like a truck driver. Just a fair warning." She shrugged her shoulder unapologetically and stepped lightly towards me. As she passed, I finally caught the scent of her blood that had been masked by the pungent odor or smoke and stale beer. I dropped the skillet I had been holding as it hit with such force it took all my strength not to pounce on her right then and there. Her blood sang to me in such a way that I had never felt before. It was all I could think about. I could hear her heart pounding with sweet liquid. It was taunting me, begging to just take one bite, one drink, and then everything would be okay. Her jugular jumped out at me, crying out to me to give in, to just take one, delicious bite-

I shook my head and backed away from her. She furrowed her eyebrows together in confusion, but didn't say anything. I took in a breath of clean, untainted air, and then held my breath as much as I could. "I'll keep that in mind." I said through my teeth. I turned my back on her and began frying bell peppers and onions in the skillet. "You can just sit in the living room while I'm cooking." I didn't even bother to look at her.

"Okay." Her confusion was practically palpable in those words, but I couldn't dare glance at her in fear that I wouldn't be able to hold back. I knew that in some way I had probably hurt her feelings, but better her feelings than actually killing her. No matter what training Jonathan had given me to control myself around humans, in no way was I ever going to be prepared enough for what she smelled like to me. Even as she sat 15 feet away from me, I could still feel her heat crossing the room, whispering to me, tempting me. I wanted nothing more than to sink my teeth into her neck and drink from her until she was dry. I bet she tasted even better than she smelled.

One of the peppers popped, spraying hot oil onto my skin. I hissed at the minor discomfort and wiped it off with my hand, strangely thankful for the distraction from my train of thought. I had to be careful around her, or I would end up killing my first human before I had the chance to…the chance to what? Get to know her? Be friends with her? Love her?

The last option made me freeze. Is that what these feelings were? Love at first sight? I never believed in such a stupid, romantic notion. No one could ever love someone just by looking at them. I mean, you could imprint, but I wasn't a shape shifter. I was barely a Pryor-Wolf. Josie had inherited all the werewolf genes. All that was in me was with and vampire. I couldn't imprint on anyone. Could I? Of course not. I wanted to smack myself for such a silly thought. There was no way I could love Kat. I barely knew her, and part of her infuriated me to no end. I had loved Jenny with everything I had, but Kat was nothing like Jenny. Kat was stubborn, confident, outgoing, athletic, strong, harsh, cold, genuine, guarded, open-hearted, caring, beautiful…

I looked over at Kat watching TV, laughing at something the host said. I watched her face light up, and grasped how breathtaking she was when she was happy and content. And for the first time, I wondered what it would be like to kiss her, to hold her in my arms, for her to tell me she cared about me, love me, wanted me. And as I thought about it more and more, I realized I wanted nothing less for Kat to love me. I wanted her approval, her affection, her kindness, her stubbornness. I had only known her for less than a day, but I wanted her. Every cell in my body yearned for me to be near her. It didn't matter what she smelled like anymore because I could never hurt her. I couldn't. I wouldn't. My whole world snapped into place just by looking at her, and I imagined life with her.

And it was perfect.


End file.
